What Happens After the Headlines? Tennyson Jacobson on Trauma, Resilience and Rewriting Her Story

What happens after you kill to survive?

It was Mother’s Day, 2013.
Tennyson Jacobson was home with her newborn and her mom when a man slipped through an unlocked door. In seconds, her safe world vanished—he grabbed her by the ponytail, robbed her, and disappeared.

The next night, he came back.
There was a fight. A knife.
And by the time it was over, the man who tried to destroy her family was dead on her floor.

Most stories end here. But this is where Tennyson’s begins.

In this raw and deeply honest episode of the Crackin’ Backs Podcast, we go beyond the headlines to ask the real question: How do you heal after surviving the unimaginable?

What does it take to trust again when your nervous system never lets you forget?
How do you reclaim safety in your own skin?
And why did this terrifying night lead her to a journey of resilience, Internal Family Systems therapy, spiritual exploration, and ultimately… her book, Mother of All Days?

This conversation is about what no one talks about: the years after. It’s about the body keeping score, listening to whispers of intuition, and discovering strength you never knew you had.

Do you think you know what happens after trauma? Think again.

Learn more about Tennyson Jacobson and her work:
Facebook Page: HERE
Book: Mother of All Days – Buy on Amazon

We are two sports chiropractors, seeking knowledge from some of the best resources in the world of health. From our perspective, health is more than just “Crackin Backs” but a deep dive into physical, mental, and nutritional well-being philosophies.

Join us as we talk to some of the greatest minds and discover some of the most incredible gems you can use to maintain a higher level of health. Crackin Backs Podcast

Transcript

Dr. Spencer Baron: 0:01

Man, before I talk about our next guest, I'm going to give you a little background picture this it's your very first Mother's Day. You're at home with a newborn your mom, and out of nowhere, a man slips in through an unlocked door. In seconds, the safety of your world is gone. He grabs you by the ponytail, robs you and disappears. You think it's over, but it's not. Next night he comes back. There's a fight a knife and a life as you knew ends right there. I'd like to welcome Tennyson, Jacobson, to a remarkable story that she has to share with us, because it's not just the event that happened and unfolded that's dramatic. It's the trauma that followed and how she dealt with it that not only can not only helped her, but can help you, the listener, the viewer, in your future. Welcome to this show. Tennyson, welcome to the show.

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:00

Wow. What an entrance. Thank you. I was on the edge of my seat.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:09

Very good, very good. So your worst nightmare became a reality. You know, violent intruder in your home, a fight for survival that made national headlines. But you said, my stories and just about that terrible night, it's about the years afterwards. Let's start off talking about that. Well, tell about the story and then tell about the aftermath.

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:30

Yeah, so what you painted already to start is it was my first Mother's Day. 2013 my daughter was eight months old, we were living my husband and I were living with my mom at the time because we were building a home. So we were living with her to save money to, you know, be able to do this. And so this is my childhood home. It extremely safe neighborhood. We never we didn't even have a key. We couldn't find our key to our door, so we didn't even lock our doors ever and, yeah, nothing ever happened. We were kind of on the outskirts skirts of this small town, so you don't really see people walking around the neighborhood, you know, all your neighbors. And yeah, we had, it was Sunday, Mother's Day. We had just gotten home from being gone for a few days. And at the time, my husband and I owned a CrossFit gym, and we always had a really strong team that was always trying to qualify for the CrossFit Games, and was consistently getting pretty close. And that year felt like this is our year, and my husband was the leader of the team. So he was on the team. He led the team. So he when we got home, he needed to go practice with the team to get ready for the regional competition. And so I was picking up, my daughter was sitting on the floor playing with their toys, and I, all of a sudden, saw this man walking up to the front door, which our front door was at the back of the house, and it's this big glass door. And again, we never saw people walking around. People always had a hard time, excuse me, finding our home. So your initial reaction is to start walking to the door to greet the visitor, and, you know, whatnot. And so I turn and I start walking to the door, and within just a few steps, it is so crazy, how fast your mind processes all these details. But I think I subconsciously was like, Well, this is weird. Nobody ever comes to our house. This is weird. It's a Sunday and it's Mother's Day, you know, let alone. So within a few steps, I put those pieces together, like this isn't right. And I could also tell like it was a big man and he was walking with intention, and I could tell he had no intention of knocking on the door, and he didn't. He walked right up to the door. He burst right in, and he beelined it straight towards me, and my only thought was to go towards my daughter. So I turned and I ran towards her, but he got to me before I got to her. Grabs me by the ponytail. He bends me over the couch. He grabs so he has one hand of my ponytail, the other, he covers my mouth, and I'm kicking and I'm screaming. And, you know, as a woman, it's one of our greatest fears, is, you know, to, you know, all the things that can happen to you. And I always thought like I'm small i But I own a gym like I'm fairly fit for my size. I'm scrawny, I'm scrappy, I'll, I'll do things, um, but you're pretty humbled in that moment when somebody is 100 pounds more than you, a lot taller and bigger and stronger, and seemingly not in his right mind. So, yeah. I'm doing all that I can, and my mind's going into all these different places of, is he going to take me? What's he going to do? Is he going to make me take my daughter? And then he gets right in my ear and he says, I won't hurt you. I just want your money. And I had this immediate sense of relief, like, oh my god, I have $41 in my wallet. Like I've never had cash in my wallet. Oh, my God, I have something that maybe that'll just get him away. And so I, I told him I had money, you know, through him covering my mouth, and he leads me to my diaper bag. I'm trying to find my wallet, you know, it's stuffed with all this baby stuff like, and so it's taken me a while to find my wallet, because it's the heaviest thing. It fell to the bottom, and so even when I finally get to my wallet, it's one of those zip wallets. So he waits for me to unzip the wallet, and all of these details again, at the time, I'm not realizing how odd it is, but if you wanted money, why don't you just take the whole bag, or why didn't you just take my whole wallet that has credit cards in it? And he's just waiting for me to to get the money. And so I finally get the money, the cash, and I hand it to him. He lets go of me, and for a moment, we just look at each other, and we're about, you know, three feet apart, and I'm looking at this man who he does not look like. He's even of this world, like his eyes are completely black. And the only way I had to describe it was it looked like a look of, I hate you. I hate you so much. It was so odd. And he looked I know evil is a big word to say, but that's what it felt like. And then he winds up his hand. He smacks me super hard. I fell down. I twist my ankle, and he turns, and he just walks right out the door. And so I mean, I think I actually call my husband before I call the cops. So he starts headed home. I call the cops, and again, we live outside of town, so it takes cops a while to get to our house, let alone even find our house. So that starts an investigation. They had dogs, you know, that sniff for adrenaline and all the things searching for him. I think I even heard like a helicopter was looking for him. No, they can't find him at all, and part of me wasn't surprised, like he there was no urgency in him, like he was just he was so freaky. And when they were there, I just remember having this feeling like he's coming back. He's coming back. I know he's coming back. And I'm a big time people pleaser. I get worried that people think I'm crazy and dramatic and and so it took a lot of courage to say I think he's coming back. Like something within me feels like he's coming back. And so I voiced this to the cops. And, you know, multiple of them. And they were all kind and helpful and supportive and but I was met with, you know, from one he was like, you know, in 30 years of experience, they've never come back. Another one told me, of course, we don't have a crystal ball. But, you know, they don't. Typically, they never come back. Another one told me, I can't even remember what he told me, it was just met with like, they don't come Oh, he told me, like, well, most likely he was homeless. There's woods behind your house. There's a local church that provides meals. Like, that's probably what happened, like, they just don't come back. And so, but I had this strong feeling that he was coming back. And so, you know, it's Mother's Day, we still go out to dinner. I The investigation took a while, and it was weird, because, like, so when my husband came home, he brought one of our best friends home with him, who we own the gym with, and because that initial investigation was taking so long, we told our friend, like, hey, take Kyle's truck, my husband's truck, go home. This is taking so long, and that was the first time ever my husband has been home when his truck isn't home. And he's a firefighter, you know, he's gone for two nights every week. That's common. That's our schedule. And so we go to Mother's Day dinner, I just want to get out of the house. I'm freaked out. I'm, you know, that was so traumatizing in itself. So we go to bed that night, and I made my husband flip sides of the bed, so I usually sleep by the bedroom door so I could get up with our daughter if needed, and he sleeps on the opposite side. So I made him switch sides that night, and I went around to every door and window. And there was a lot of windows in our house. I checked everything. I double checked it. I think my mom checked everything i and then I got back into bed, and I was like, I might have missed it. I'm going to. Go check again. So I did this like third swoop around the house to make sure every door and window is locked. And you know, that's so complicated, because people are telling you like you don't have a reason to worry. You don't have a reason to worry. So I'm trying to be normal and not be that freaked out person, but you're still freaked out. So we put my daughter to bed. My husband goes to bed before me, I get in. We've swapped sides. And then about 130 in the morning, our dogs, who we had two, two little Yorkies who slept with us, and they frequently had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, which I usually took them. And so they start wiggling their little bodies and signaling they're ready to go out. And so I wake up my husband, and I felt so bad, but I was like, Can you please take them out? Like I'm terrified I can't go outside. And so he's super annoyed. And we had we always slept with like our home defense was a Louisville wooden, you know, a Louisville Slugger bat, wooden, solid bat, and then a can of Wasp spray. And on my side of the bed, where I typically sleep, is the Wasp spray. So I told him to take the bat, but because that would require him to walk around the bed, he just grabs the Wasp spray to appease me. So he walks out into the hall, and for a moment, I'm just laying there, and then, like, probably 10 seconds later, the dogs scurry back into the house, or excuse me, the bed with me, burrow into me, and they're like, shaking and nervous, which they're just not like that. It's like, well, that's weird. Where's Kyle? And then all of a sudden, I start here wrestling, and I'm like, Oh my God. And so I jump out of the bed, I grab the bat, I head to the hallway, and, you know, I it's not even, you know, it's pretty dimly lit, and I can see them fighting the guy. So he what had happened was Kyle had entered into the hallway. He had actually passed our bedroom door. He was headed to the master where my mom sleeps. And so my husband, when the dogs came back to me, he turns and the guy is standing right there, so he heads straight for my husband. And my husband is like, Oh my God. And so he sprays the Wasp spray at the guy, and the guy puts up his hands, and he has gardening gloves duct taped to his wrists, and it just pisses him off the Wasp race. So they start fighting. And a little about my husband, like, you know, we, I said, we owned a gym, and, you know, he was one of the more competitive athletes. He also taught wrestling. He was a wrestler in high school. He coached after and he's a firefighter. So he has, you know, he's seen trauma. He's, you know, trained his system to be calm. So like, if there's one guy you want in this situation, it is him. And so he was able to get this guy onto the floor in a headlock, so the guy is on all fours. My husband has his arm wrapped around the guy's neck, so the guy's head is down. So I run out with the bat, and I just start, you know, smacking that bat on him as hard as I possibly can. And I'm small, but I was like extremely intentional to use every ounce of power I had to hurt him. And by the sixth so I'm dropping F bombs, which are not my usual, usual language every time I hit him. And on the sixth time I hit him, the bat breaks in two, which was insane. And it it looks like exactly like you'd see in a baseball game, you know, where it's like jagged. And I was like, stunned, like, I that's a solid wooden bat. So I then think, Well, should I put this in his back? Like, I can't do that. I can't do that. So I throw the bat down, and then his hips are high. He's still on all fours. I'm like, Okay, well, I'm going to kick him in the balls. So I start trying to kick him in the balls, but because he had hit me earlier, and I felt I sprained my ankle, and it was so painful to even try to kick him. So I'm like, Well, this hurts. This is not even working. So I try my left foot. That's even worse and more pathetic. So then I'm like, okay, that's not working. So then I see the can of Wasp spray on the ground, and I'm like, Okay, I'll grab that. I know his head is tucked down. My husband's head is high, so I'm not going to spray him. And so I grabbed the kind of Wasp spray, and I literally point blank him in his eye, spraying Wasp spray back and forth. And back and forth. And this is a, this is a full can of Wasp, right? And there, I mean, there's no noises that are happening, even when I'm hitting him with the bat. There's no Ow, there's no cuss words, there's no anything like, there's no noise that's happening except for just like, growling and grunting, and he's like, trying to grab my husband's balls and bite him and break his finger. He was just like animalistic. And so he's slowly, like army crawling my husband, like, down our hallway, and I'm just spraying the Wasp spray. That's all I could think to do. And then my husband, which I've never heard him, say this in my life before, was, and it was, I always get a little emotional with this part, but it was like, it was so, like, calm, but like Tenny, I need help. And that was the moment for me that was just like a light switch that went off in my body, like something needs to change. And what can I do to to stop this guy? Because if he's out like, it just really spoke to the seriousness of where we're at. And my husband will not ask for help if he's not hitting a point where he can't, you know. So the only thought that came to my mind was to go to the kitchen, and we had two big kitchen knives, you know, the 10 inch kitchen knives, and one was old, crappy, flimsy one, and then we had one solid one that was stored in the drawer. And so I, I took the time to get both, just in case, you know, one had been flip flopped. I wanted this dirty one. Made sure I had this dirty one, and I, I headed back out there. And my husband still had the guy in the headlock, and so his his back was still open. And by that time, my mom had come out Kyle, my husband had directed her to call 911, so she was just and she was she had joined the fight too. She found like the broken back. She was trying to whack him in the balls. So she's just coming to the scene when she's on the phone with 911, and then I come back from the kitchen, and I start stabbing him. And I stabbed him eight times in the back, and, you know, by the fifth time I stabbed him, I pulled out the knife and like a chunk of the blade in the middle was gone. And that just was insane to me. I just like, you know, just, it's still unreal, even believing that I've done this, but that just was like, Holy crap, you're actually doing this right now. And so I stabbed him eight times, and then Kyle said, Stop. Can he stop? And so I stopped, and he let the guy's back fall to the floor. I stabbed him one more time in the stomach, because I just like everything we were doing was not stopping this guy. And so it just felt like he's not dead. There's no way he's dead. And then my husband was like, Tenny, stop, because he had felt his body shift to Admiral breathing. So, knowing that he's, you know, the guy is about to pass away, and then my husband just crawled on top of him. Still think, like, even though he knew he was dying, you know, he was still freaked out, the guy would come back alive and start attacking us. So, so, yeah, so that was, that was the break in and forever changed our lives.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 18:46

Oh my gosh. I felt like I was watching a movie just now. Unbelievable. Okay, all right, let me get my bearings straight here. First of all, I'm very impressed by the whole thing, by you, your energy, and maybe your your your anger that resurrected from the day before. Like, how dare you come back, you know? Like, I don't know. Okay, so let's go back to the value of intuition. Yeah, and when you know you you felt that, but others discounted it. Did you ever doubt that that whisper in your ear about intuition, that you know where you were, emotionally and neurologically, that's, you know, split second before, you know, moment before you acted like, damn it, I knew this was gonna happen. You know, that kind of thing. Kind of thing.

Tennyson Jacobson: 19:44

No, I never thought that. You know, at the time, I was 26 years old, and I didn't know much about intuition. Like, I had heard, trust your gut, but, like, I don't really know, but literally, yeah, but it. Yeah, but I so, no, I didn't. You're so in shock. And like, the only thought that happened after was like, oh my god, I could go to jail. Oh my gosh, I just don't want to go to jail. And so that was, I think, the only place my mind was, in addition to being now so entirely freaked out everywhere, like I felt unsafe in every moment I Yeah, and so years later, once I processed a little bit, I was like, oh, like, you know, intuition became this huge theme for me. Like that freaked me out, like you actually knew he was coming back, and I, I didn't have the tools or awareness of intuition to really understand it. I was such, so, such a people pleaser. And like, okay, they're the professional they know better than me, and so I'm trying to justify all their opinions against my own. And so intuition became this huge launching pad for me to understand, like, where is this coming? What is this and and I did that in the first few years. It was really all tied to safety, and I was really messed up from that, but so I was trying to understand it from a safety perspective, and now it's only expanded for me to really honor intuition in this guiding force that is in everything in your life.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 21:25

So how did you wait? I got something. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead. Spencer brought up a good point. He goes, when, when you were telling your story like I'm watching the movie. And in the movie, the movie ends the credits. Go, we get up out of the seat, and we leave, and that's it. The Body Keeps the Score. I want to know what happens? What are the lasting effects that somebody goes through, that that once the movies ended, what experiences happening neurologically and physically that the audience doesn't

Tennyson Jacobson: 22:02

see. Yeah, thanks so much for asking that question. Because, you know, I think you guys might know I wrote a book recently published, which is out to share. It's to share the story, but really the after story. Because, you know, there's we were featured on the show your worst nightmare, and they do just that, like they did this whole reenactment thing. And then the show ends like us standing with the cops, like, you know, an hour after it happened, and we're holding a cup of coffee, and it's like, okay, I'll never come back. And then the show's over. I'm like, what? Like, that's where, that's where everything, like, changed. Like, that's where our whole world fell apart, and not just for us, for people who go through all these other life events. We're so good at showing all the breaking news, but what happens after and so both my husband and I, I mean, we were paralyzed in so much fear. Um, we were like, I'm getting emotional thinking of us, like, I just feel like I'm getting it, like we're like little kids who just wanted to be in Mommy and Daddy's room. And we were grown adults who ran a successful business. My husband's a firefighter, I'm a mom, like, and so we moved in to my husband's parents bedroom, like, literally, pulled a mattress into my in laws bedroom. We slept in there for three months. I couldn't even, like, I write in the book about, it's kind of funny, but like, you know, I have to go pee in the middle of the night, and I like, I'm like, Well, I'm not going in the hall to pee, like, that's too terrifying. So I'm like, walking around the edge of their bed, like, into their little master bedroom, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I have to pee in their bathroom. Like, do I flush? What do I do? Like, but, you know, it's so just like, and even like, even in the day, like, you know, so we moved into their house while we're finished building our house, and it's like, I if I'm in the living room to walk to the bathroom, that's passing four doors, and it's just like every door you pass, you're expecting somebody's going to jump out and attack you. Your nervous system is so dysregulated, it's unimaginable. Like we couldn't even go to the grocery store alone. We couldn't go to the bank alone. We were driven by my father in law for weeks, and then you finally have to get the courage like you can't keep doing this the rest of your life. And we were directed to go to a local hospital, who's, I mean, they are amazing for trauma, so we went there to start working on this, but, like, it didn't land, and that's my opening chapter of the book, because it's also to share how I they really directed us to exposure therapy, which is exposing yourself to your worst fears. And so for me, I had to, like, sit in a room alone. Hmm, which people are right outside the door. But, like, I was so, like, just like you said, the body keeps its core. Your body does not know any different. And so that was terrifying. It was awful. And then my husband had his own exposure therapy, where he had to, like, stay up after people went to bed, so he was alone in the, like the living room, which kind of exposes him to what he experienced. And then he also had to walk from, like the front door to the mailbox, which I don't know is 30 feet at, you know, 10 o'clock at night, so it's dark, and he's a strong physical mentally man, and he's like, holy shit. Like, I can't believe how much I don't want to do this right now, fighting back tears and like, so scared and so nervous, and so you're just completely paralyzed in fear and and that starts to wear on you, you know, day after day after day after day of you get through the day night, times the worst, because you don't want to go to bed and be unconscious to listen, and then you wake up, you're like, I'm going to do this all over again. I'm going to do this all over again. And time helps, but it doesn't heal, because there's a lot, a lot there that just completely wrecked us. And so I had some really low moments where I and I wasn't really provided the tools to know how to recover. Exposure therapy was really the thing that was advised for me. No one talked to me about my nervous system, which is shocking to me, because that's 100% what it was. So, yeah, we were very, very messed up.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 26:47

I got, I got three questions, two rapid fires, and one to just be just did first question is you, you mentioned when, right after it's done, you're worried about going to jail? Did you go to

Tennyson Jacobson: 26:59

jail? No, no, no, we didn't Okay.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 27:03

Question number two, trauma when it happens to a couple is super gnarly. So my first question is, how did that affect your relationship with your husband? And the third question is, how did you loosen the grip on your nervous system to start feeling healthy again?

Tennyson Jacobson: 27:19

I love it. So yeah, we were told that trauma can wreck marriages, and does wreck marriages, which is super devastating. You know, you deal with it so differently. What was interesting about it for us is we were the only two people who really witnessed that man that night and his derangement and thing. And what they found out was, like, basically, they there was no drugs or alcohol in his system. The thought is he was having a psychotic break. This man was, he was on another level, like, yeah, um, and so, I think both of us being so, again, paralyzed in fear and struggling so deeply, like some of the first nights when we had our mattress in my in laws bed, like we're not cuddlers, but like he like grabbed onto me and wrapped his arms around me, and it was like, you know, It almost bonds you in this way of like we survived this and so And thankfully, we had such an incredible community around us who, I mean, his fire department, they volunteered to take his shifts for three months like he didn't have to work Like people volunteered. They 24 hours of time to cover him so he could, he could be home and heal. And so we were so wrapped with support that that really gave us space to to work towards healing. So very fortunate for that, but I did have struggles different than him. You know, I think he, he is, physically in a different place than I am. And so I, I still, I still struggle with, like, my own vulnerability in a way that maybe he doesn't quite and I still have a lot of fear that I've been processing. So that's But overall, it, you know, it, it's been a really beautiful thing for us to work through together. And then the nervous system question, which is so cool, and one of my biggest passions now is, you know, eventually exposure therapy, like, we're like this, just, is this? This? We're done with this. And so time I eventually went to psychiatrist because I was pretty messed up. Life goes on. So about five years after, I'm like, Okay, I'm doing fairly fine, like, I still had nightmares. I had a lot of anxiety, constant worry, thoughts. All the time, but I guess I just was like, Okay, I guess this is just how life is going to look like for me, since I've been through what I've been through, and I was introduced to this guy named Tony Blauer. I don't know if you guys know who he is, but in the he ran, he has a podcast called no fear, K, N, O, W, and he is his self defense, which I don't know if that's the right way of saying it, but it's basically learning to leverage your body's natural startle flinch response to protect yourself. He's incredible, and he was in the CrossFit community running what's called the CrossFit defense seminar. So he would host these seminars on using your own natural reaction to protect yourself. And so he had asked me to be on his podcast because we didn't introduced been introduced prior. And I was like, okay, and I didn't realize how bad of a guest I was going to be for him. And so at the end of the call, because I would think I was bringing up things I was still struggling with. And so at the end of the call, he was like, Kenny, you still there. It's like, I would love to introduce you to somebody, if you're open and willing. And it was this therapist that he works with, and he told me that I'm like, Yeah, anybody you want to introduce me to, I will gladly accept. And so he introduced me to this therapist, and you guys, I have been in a lot of therapy, not just because of this event, and it wasn't just the exposure I continue to do different modes of therapy, but through growing up, and I get on this call with Jeff, and within the first like five minutes, I was Like, Oh my gosh. Like, somebody sees me, like somebody actually understands what I'm going through. He talked to me about the nervous system, he educated me on my amygdala and the different things. And I was like, I had heard that the body keeps a score, but nobody had articulated it to me, and really, like validated what was happening in my body, and so that was he. I'm so grateful again. He's a big part of my book. The chapters of of our work together are some of my favorite but I really I write about the experience of working on my nervous system and the tools he gave me and learning to get into my body and start regulating myself. And that's where really, where things really started to shift for me.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 32:30

Okay, so I have a couple questions here, which I knew was gonna happen. First, you answered the one that what was the most profound way of finding, you know, resolution or, I mean, as you said, this, this approach with this particular therapist did, was that approach? Was it called something in particular, like,

Tennyson Jacobson: 32:54

I mean, yeah, I always joke with him. I'm like, I never know what cocktail of therapies you're doing with me, but like, but you know, polyvagal theory is about the nervous system, and so if you research polyvagal or you look at polyvagal techniques, or somatic techniques, that's how you can get in your body to help regulate so I'd say that's probably the foundation. But then he's, he's explained this to me. I'm not going to be able to explain it to you, but there is cognitive behavioral behavioral therapy. So, CBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. DBT, and then later we did ifs, which is internal family systems. And that's some of my favorite. That's my favorite modality, between the polyvagal and IFS

Dr. Spencer Baron: 33:41

very cool. You know, it's interesting, because one of my good friends and patients had a heart attack years, a couple of years ago, and he's he has PTSD from it, because he thinks he's going to die, and he did something called, was it EDMI,

Tennyson Jacobson: 33:55

or that? Edmr,

Dr. Spencer Baron: 33:57

edmr, excuse me, and I've never heard of that, but that was a very innovative approach. Do you ever try anything like

Tennyson Jacobson: 34:04

I did do? Edmr, and I can't say, EMDR, sorry. Eye Movement desensitize. Yeah, it didn't work for me. And not to say it doesn't work for other people. I've heard of other people had amazing results. So I don't know if it just who knows, but I tried it. It just didn't really get where I needed to be.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 34:26

I love what you're saying, though, this is great name of the book. What is the name of your book?

Tennyson Jacobson: 34:32

The mother of all days, the the true story of a fatal break in and the unexpected path to healing.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 34:42

Okay, so I feel like this is a version of Law and Order CSI all wrapped in one. So let me ask you, in fact, I don't know if it's me or maybe the listening and viewing audience, but who was this guy where.

Unknown: 35:00

Weird question,

Dr. Spencer Baron: 35:04

did they investigate and find out a history or background?

Tennyson Jacobson: 35:08

Yeah, so he lived a couple miles from me, and basically he the thought is that he probably saw me somewhere, either at the grocery store, Starbucks or something. And he had this YouTube channel where he would go on misogynistic rants, like he just he thought women were the scum of the earth. He thought we were created to destroy men. His videos were all about that. He would say, We're serpents and we're evil, evil creatures, and we need to be stopped. That was one of his videos. And so he had that hatred I saw was real. And so what I learned is that he had, he had been married. He had, you know, I think five kids went through a pretty bitter divorce, and that's when they said he started to really spiral, which is actually interesting. You guys. I met somebody last week who actually this is so random, but he worked with him 30 years ago. Yeah. And he, oh, my God, I know, like it is insane. So he worked with him 30 years ago, and he was like Tennyson, like this guy at that time was, I mean, he was, like, a very strong religious slant of, like, all of that stuff. And he's like, you know, I'm religious, but like, when people are like, extreme, like, that's, there's a concern there. So that was actually interesting news to me, because I always thought it was the divorce that spiraled, but I think this has been for a while. So anyway, the thought is that he saw me, and maybe I looked like his ex wife, you know, smaller, blonde hair, and obviously I represented what he hated. And so there must have been something about me, but that's about the extent of what we and again, no drugs, no alcohol. I mean, he had said like he thought, monkeys drug and drown his trailer and aliens drug him back like he had beer boxes that were unfolded and like his wallpaper in his house, like he and what I this is coming to mind, so I want to share it. The only thing on his record was that he had stolen a can of two from a local gas station. So it's not like this person obviously had a criminal record. He just again, the thought is he had a psychotic break. And hence why he felt no pain. Hence why, when the dogs were there, they couldn't sniff anything. He wasn't putting off anything. He was not in his right mind,

Dr. Spencer Baron: 38:10

and the mere fact that, okay, hold on, let me just tie something together here. Back to the idea of intuition. He came and asked for money, but that wasn't his real intention. You felt something different from the get go, yeah.

Tennyson Jacobson: 38:27

And I think, what? And yes, yeah, exactly, 100% and what I was going to say is, I think the thought is, because some people are like, Well, why didn't What did he attack you then, like, my daughter was there. You know, she was literally two feet from where he grabbed me and bent me over the couch, and so she's starting to cry, and I don't think she was screaming at that point, but the detectives thought that that might have freaked him out, and like he wasn't expecting that, so he planned to come back. And again, it looked like I was home alone. That was the first time my husband's truck wasn't there when he was there. And so he had a camera on him. He had a tripod, obviously, I told you, he had the gardening gloves duct tape to his wrists. He had duct tape with him. Yeah, there were some pretty

Dr. Spencer Baron: 39:18

Wait, where did the camera come from. What was he gonna do?

Tennyson Jacobson: 39:23

Well, my thought. And the detective, he had this YouTube channel. You know, he videoed things all the time. No way I know.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 39:32

Yeah, you mentioned the guy had five kids. Did you ever hear from those kids?

Dr. Spencer Baron: 39:37

That's what I wanted to know.

Tennyson Jacobson: 39:39

Yeah, that was really tough. After we didn't we actually tried to pursue some legal like, just reimbursement for some costs that we had to incur between, like therapy. We my husband spent the whole summer building a six foot fence around our property and. Hmm, and a gate, an alarm system. So we were trying to recoup cost just from that. And it became kind of challenging. And yeah, so no, we didn't hear I did end up hearing from his wife, actually, the ex wife three years ago, very kind like it was. So it was a very supportive and kind message. And she she kind of prompted about maybe getting together, and I just wasn't quite in the space to be able to do so at that time. But yeah,

Dr. Terry Weyman: 40:37

so let's get back to the toolkit that you while my mom, my partner, you know, recovers. Let's give back to the toolkit of the nervous system. You tried all these different therapies, because there might be somebody out there that gets that hears about this show that goes all right, I've tried the eye therapy. I've tried sec. Can you get back to the some of this toolkit you you went through, and some of the different things you tried and what seemed to resonate work for you, yeah.

Tennyson Jacobson: 41:04

So the the first being that layer of polyvagal theory with, you know, trying to start regulate the nervous system. And so my therapy, at the time, when I was connected to my therapist, I was having awful nightmares, like they woke me up every night. I it was the same nightmare. Somebody was chasing me, trying to attack me, trying to rape me, and then I start fighting back, and I wake up. And so I was, I mean, my heart was pounding when I woke up from these things, and I was starting to get, like, we now have guns, and I'm like, am I going to, like, do something with a gun in the middle? Like I started being scared to go to bed. And so his first advice was to work on the breath, so breath getting into your body. And so he'd have me, when I wake up from the nightmares, start counting my breath. So I'd count like, one for my in breath, two for my out, three for my in, four for my out. And just trying to get separate my mind from the thought, and then get in the body, and I tried that, and then I lose count of the breath. And then I get frustrated, like, Oh my God, how can I not count my breaths here? And so I go to old habits and I distract myself on the phone, because that was like, the only thing that would really separate me. So then he was like, Okay, well, lucky for you, I have more ideas. And I was like, Okay. And he talked to me about different ways you can do it, but one of them is actually intense exercise. So it has to be something that jacks up your heart rate, because it when it's so intense, your mind can only focus. You have to, you know, I think, disassociate from the thought you're having, and then get into your bodies again, the breath. And so he was like, well, tenni, what's one exercise that you could do in the middle of the night that won't wake up? Kyle, it's intense. And you can, you know, just step outside your bedroom. And I thought of burpees, which are the worst. And so it was so I, so I and then I'm like, Well, I'm going to try counting my breaths again, because I don't want to do burpees. Like, that sounds awful. Um, so I failed at the breath again. Breath work again. And so then I eventually did the burpees. And I remember being like, I'm going to prove them wrong, like, I'm going to report back to him. This didn't work, but I started doing the burpees, and it was literally all my mind could focus on to not do a single extra burpee. And so I did 20 burpees, and then I climbed back into bed, and your heart's all jacked up. It's the middle of the night, all the things, and I'm like, what just happened? And then my breath, you know, because your body actually knows how to calm down from, you know, intense exercise. And so slowly my breath started to calm down, and I fell asleep. So now I'm like, everybody do burpees, but no, it's so that was it. But breath work, I think now, like that was a pretty extreme thing. Breath work is a huge one mindfulness that's been a huge technique, as far as, like, feeling my feet on the ground, my butt in the chair, my back against the chair. You know, walking in nature like I know, I think everybody's talking about these things, but doing those things became a practice to help me get grounded and meditating. That was something I really was resistant to for a while, but that combines a lot of just mindfulness and breath work. I I just now it's like a non negotiable. It's a practice that I'm so grateful for. Yeah, but there's, there are really cool. Just there are actual tools you can buy. I think there's something called True Vega that can actually help you want to stimulate your vagus nerve, to help it, teach it to relax. And so you can buy this tool called truvega, which I think does it. There's something called sensate, which my therapist told me about. There's also car. Packs you can buy if you just look up, like polyvagal exercises, those are all things to stimulate your vagus nerve, to help it learn to relax.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 45:10

So counting sheep is out of the question. Counting

Tennyson Jacobson: 45:13

Hey, it kind of was that right

Dr. Terry Weyman: 45:18

until they bite back. Yeah. So you, you once said that your darkest moments can ultimately reveal your greatest purpose, right? So besides, um, telling your story, besides writing the book, what's some action strategies that you're trying to teach others that have gone through similar stuff? Yeah?

Tennyson Jacobson: 45:43

Well, I think what I've learned is the foundation of it all is our nervous system. And we are in a world that just is so dysregulating, where everything is so overstimulated, go, go, go, go, go. And I think as I start to observe people like people are just floundering because they're so dysregulated and they're not even aware of it. And so I think my hope in through the book and sharing my own just, it's through story. It's not teaching. I'm not the expert on these things at all. It's just I've lived through experiencing how to try to overcome it. And so I think my whole hope is that you don't have to go through my event to we've all experienced trauma. There's no like winner of the trauma scale. We've all experienced it. And so I think hoping that people start to look at their nervous system to find practices that can get them in their body and calm, and that's where I also learned I got access to my intuition a lot more. And like I said in the beginning, I thought intuition was just for safety, but now I've really realized it is this guiding force in all areas of my life that have helped me, like, Oh, I feel the nudge to write a book. Well, who am I to write a book? Like, I was like, I'm no one. Like, nobody. Like, why would I write a book? But I had this like nudge and this like desire, and I knew that, like, when that speaks to you, there's something there, and so the book speaks a lot about trusting your intuition and then doing the work. You know, I share a lot about like, stuff I learned from childhood that happened to me before this event. And I talked about, ifs therapy, you know, when you asked about therapy, I started to see these it's this framework of like, we all have these parts of us. I had the perfectionist part, the people pleasing part. And so once my nervous system got regulated, I started to really become more aware. I started to realize these parts that were controlling my life and ultimately not allowing me to really live the most authentic life that I hope and desire and dream to live. And so when I could get in a more regular place, I started visiting these parts and really starting to shift those things that were holding me back a little bit. And so I hope that through sharing my own, you know, work through all of that, that is a mirror to others, where they can see themselves in their own way, because we all have different journeys and different parts, to maybe encourage them to look at some of those parts and to do the work. Because I think that's my hope for this world, is we all have pain, and that shows up in its own way. And I think when we can heal ourselves, that ultimately helps make the world a better place. What's ifs therapy, internal family systems.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 48:45

What does that mean?

Tennyson Jacobson: 48:48

Oh, well, so it's created by Dick Schwartz, and it's kind of like inner child work. I would think that it's this idea that we have all of these parts within us that we learn from a young age, like somebody might have an angry part or a frustrated part. And you know, those things nowadays are looked at as like, oh, being angry is bad. Well, when my daughter was diagnosed with a second autoimmune condition, like, I had a lot of anger. And so I told my therapist, I'm like, I need to go boxing, I need to do something like, I need to get this energy out. And he's like, I think you're kind of resistant to the angry part of you. And I started to unpack that and realize, like, I learned to manage my anger like I was never, I never allowed myself to be angry. Well, is it fair to feel angry that your daughter is diagnosed with a second autonomy. Yes, it is like anger is a healthy emotion, and so then I learned to honor that part of me and but then you don't want it. Yeah, so I hope that answered your question a little bit, but I just think it's beautiful

Dr. Terry Weyman: 49:55

work. No, thank you because you explained it, but I didn't. I wasn't tying the two together. So. Thank you. Yeah, I do have a question, Has anybody asked you at your CrossFit gym to teach a self defense class?

Unknown: 50:07

Well, we had with a knife or a bat?

Tennyson Jacobson: 50:13

No, well, we ended up selling our CrossFit gym, uh, seven years ago, and now I own an insurance agency, which is bananas. What a pivot. But I we did have Tony Blauer, who I shared with you, he offered to teach his seminar at our gym, and that was so that was like the coolest blessing to have him. But I don't know I've had like in learning through him, and then law enforcement, and I'm not the expert on this, but like, I think self defense is a little tricky, because it's like, they teach you these moves. And you guys might know more about this than I do, but like, they teach you these moves, but like, real life fighting, which is what Tony Bauer talks about, or like, defend the the moves, like, don't like, that's different. You have to train right to have that as a natural response, and so Tony's work is really like learning to leverage that response. So I've had kind of this complicated like, do I even try self defense stuff? Because, like, is that actually helpful to me, or is that like? But anyway, so

Dr. Spencer Baron: 51:18

the Wasp spray was a good idea, though, I think everybody should have a kind of Wasp spray next to their bed.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 51:25

Seem to slow the guy down. Though,

Tennyson Jacobson: 51:28

gosh, I think that's such a crazy thought. Though, if you think about it, like, how many people do you know have a bat and wash spray in their bedroom? And obviously, like, guns are a hot topic, but it's like, the fact that we had those items that he came when he did that, my husband's like, it's just, it's all bananas, yeah?

Dr. Spencer Baron: 51:52

Which reinforces the whole idea about, you know, learning self defense, yeah, learning self defense. But you also had a bat and Wasp spray, and that didn't even help, you know, yeah, okay, aside from the shock value in this whole story, is there something like that people would, you know, still be surprised with that continues on that is like the, you know, part of The ripple effect that really rarely makes the press, or rarely you know, that still shocks people, that that you experience in the way after that, like today, is there something that still gets you?

Tennyson Jacobson: 52:31

Yeah, I don't know if there's anything that's still shocking, but I think what I've heard as far as feedback, and also what I've learned to be really proud of myself for, which is hard for me to say, if I'm being completely honest, because a lot of people say, like, Oh, you're so brave to do what you do there. You know, there's a very small percentage of people who actually would do what both you and your husband did, and feeling a little emotional, like, even like, starting to say this, but like, that's not the moment that I'm most proud of myself for, the moment that I'm most proud of myself for all the little moments that people don't see, all the courage it takes to, like, sit in a room, you know, doing exposure therapy, which scared on me. It's like going to the grocery store for the first time alone, when you're like heads on a swivel and you're terrified. It's doing the burpees in the middle of night when that's the last thing on earth I wanted to do. It's visiting these parts of me. You know that those are the moments that don't make the headlines the news, but those are the moments that shift our lives and and really change us. And so that is what the book is about. It's not to like capitalize on this crazy story. It is to share those moments so that people feel encouraged and supported to do it in their in their own lives. Wow.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 53:56

Dennison, it's obviously you know something that's very deep for you? Yeah, thank you for sharing that. But Tennyson, let me ask you, you know you've been through a lot, the fear, the fight, the years of rebuilding yourself, and is there something that you would share, that you believe about this whole thing, about safety and strength, and something you wish everybody would would have or carry emotionally with them.

Tennyson Jacobson: 54:30

That's an interesting question. I mean, I think what's coming to mind is like, I'm the last person on the planet that I would have thought would have responded in that way, I have saved bees before, like I was, those can die now. So I think there's, you know, we have this internal strength that maybe we don't. Realize, and I think I would, I want people to believe in that and to trust in that, but I also think you can't be disillusioned. You do have to, you have to practice, and you have to become aware, and you have to, you have to do the work. I don't know if that answers your question, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 55:21

Cuz, I believe that there's two, two types of people, the ones that, you know, they they they freeze up under that kind of rush, or the ones that that the world slows down, and then they can move into action and do what they need to do. And, you know, I've had patients like, like, emergency room doctors that, you know, everything slows down. This one cardiothoracic surgeon told me that his staff loves to be with him, because in the midst of absolute trauma and emergency, everything slows down for him. So, you know, I guess that's a you don't always know you. I mean, you are obviously that person that had a call to action and you took it, you know, whereas someone else might freeze up and not know what to do,

Tennyson Jacobson: 56:14

yeah, yeah, that's true. So that's an

Dr. Spencer Baron: 56:17

interesting discovery about yourself under the pressures of, yeah, you know, immediate action. And so, yeah,

Tennyson Jacobson: 56:25

it was, Wow. What

Dr. Spencer Baron: 56:27

a I'm still getting. I still get all right. Anyway, these Okay, so Tennyson, we're near the end of the show, but one of our favorite points, and I'm gonna lift it up to a perspective that we have called the rapid fire questions. Oh boy, there's five. You're gonna win. You're gonna be fine with this. Rapid fire questions are usually answered, you know, in a more abbreviated fashion, but that it's if you're ready. I got five of them for you, and the you ready for number one? Yes, all right, you've shared moments about being by the water and camping near the Canadian border. What's, what's your most embarrassing outdoor fail that still makes you laugh when you think about

Tennyson Jacobson: 57:17

it, my most embarrassing outdoor fail. Oh, gosh, I have had a lot of them. I wish my memory was better.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 57:28

Question number two, that was great, by the way. Oh, good. You talk about trusting intuition and life saving. So what's the weirdest gut feeling that you may have ignored, that you laugh at.

Tennyson Jacobson: 57:40

Now, weirdest gut feeling i Well, I'll tell you what comes to mind, but it's not that I ignore, ignored it. I I went to a coffee shop, and I'm all about trusting the intuition, and so I literally practice it in like, what do I feel like eating for lunch? What's the first thing that comes to mind. So I'm at this, like, new coffee shop that's pretty cool and hip and, like new things. And I see I asked, I'm also out also about asking the barista, like, What's your favorite thing? So she told me the Straub strawberry Matcha Tea Latte. And I'm like, oh, that sounds interesting. So I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna try it. And it was disgusting, so

Unknown: 58:27

bad. Don't, don't mention the name of the coffee shop. Don't remember it. That's awesome. Did you drink the whole thing? Just

Tennyson Jacobson: 58:42

always miss$7

Dr. Spencer Baron: 58:44

There you go. There you go. Okay. Question number three, you've seen people react emotionally to your book. Have you ever written a line that made you, you know, kind of tear up, then delete it or kept it because it scared you?

Tennyson Jacobson: 59:00

Um, because it scared me. There's a line that so when I like for me and healing, I'm all about what's the root cause. And so I've been on this journey for my daughter's autoimmune condition. I'm like, our bodies are not designed to attack themselves. I'm going to get to the root of this. I've tried so many different professionals, and so I ended up working with this healer who it's kind of, woo, woo, but she I'm like, I don't care. I'll try anything at this point. And so we were actually doing some work together, because she was saying how much, like, my energy affects, you know, my daughter. And she said, and I wrote this line in the book, and it's out there. So I was like, I think I should delete this. Editor was like, No, this. This is this complete. So many thoughts. And so I was working with this healer, and she was like, Tenny, this is so unexpected. But like, the guy is. Coming through, and I'm like, what? And she was like, he wants to apologize. He wants to say he's sorry. He knows how much your life was changed. He knows how much impacted his family. But it needed like, his life needed to be taken that way, so he his family could be better. And and you share this message. And so I wrote, yeah, I know I wrote about it. And then I'm like, Oh, God, these people in my life are gonna think I am cuckoo. But I also Yeah, and then I go on to share, you know, there's a lot of talk about forgiveness out there, and when I shared my story, I did my own podcast for just a season just to share my story. And my friend producer was like, Tenny, Do you forgive him? And that really threw me off. And at the time I didn't I was like, I don't know how people speak their testimonies about forgiveness, but once I started to do the IFS work of visiting these younger parts in that moment when he he said that, I imagined him as this little boy and what he's gone through in his life and how that impacted him, and I was able to imagine forgiving that little boy. And so, yeah, that is cool. Very cool. Thank you. Thank question number four,

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:01:41

I'm ready to end the show on that last comment. All right, would you rather listen to a deeply healing moment that made you cry, or recount a ridiculous family moment that made you laugh until you cried? And can you give us a sneak peek of one?

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:02:01

Oh, my gosh. You're, like, really testing my memory bank.

Dr. Terry Weyman: 1:02:04

Here, it's called neurological training.

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:02:09

Can I work with you? Oh, I both. They're both so good, like, I've, you know, I initially was like, Ooh, a deeply healing moment where you can feel the feels like, woof. Like that gets me every time. But what I've also learned, like, I need to have more fun in my life. Like, that's a part of me too that I haven't necessarily learned to so laughter is some of the best medicine. So um, laughing with you about my peeing moment was pretty fun.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:02:42

So both Yes, very good. Oh my gosh. You know, I asked you the question, but I started thinking of this stuff. Anyway, we won't go there, because I can tear up and Terry will text me. Are you crying again? Anyway, last and final question, this has been fantastic question number five, if joy, if your joy, had a sound to it right now, what would it be and why?

Unknown: 1:03:15

Well,

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:03:17

what a question. I think, what I'm imagining and visualizing, as soon as you ask me, is like, my arms are open and I'm just like, yeah,

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:03:31

that is great.

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:03:34

I'm wondering what other people say, if you've asked them this question,

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:03:37

we asked so many different questions, I'll tell you that. You know, there was one probably in the three and a half years we've been doing this show, there was one question that we asked that cardiologist, Terry, you know, and it was, it was like a we, we've only maybe asked that question two or three or four times in, you know, 230 shows or so. But it was, you know, what do you want to leave? You know this, what do you want to be disappointed for? What do you want to be remembered for? David, were you on that? Were you there when we

David Farquharson: 1:04:07

Yeah, I was there for most of Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:04:12

And so he was expressed he was a cardiothoracic surgeon or cardiologist, and he's sharing that moment, and he starts tearing up, and we got, wow, that was great. And then Terry punch line

Dr. Terry Weyman: 1:04:28

he put he passed away a few weeks later, and I was able to take that we were able to take that clip and share it with his family, and they used it at his funeral, and they said was one of the most incredible moments of the whole celebration of life, because he got to tell people what he was remembered for, yeah, what he wanted to be remembered for, and he was remembered for what he was saying. So they were able to use his words, yeah. There was, it turned out to be the most amazing, amazing, emotional

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:04:59

Yeah, wow.

Unknown: 1:05:00

Woof, right?

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:05:02

Yeah, I got full body

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:05:05

water in my eyes.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:05:08

But it's moments like, like our program today, and programs like that that fuel our fire. We just, I'm telling you, you know, Dr Terry and I started out, he asked me about doing this show and and I said, you know, well, what it's going to make it different, you know, than any other show. And what we realize is, you know, we're looking to help and heal others, mentally, nutritionally and physically. And you know what ends up happening. We have experiences with people like you that it gets us, it gets us here. And then we share that they we share that with our patients, and share these stories

Unknown: 1:05:45

they haven't even seen the show yet.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:05:48

It's, it's, it's healing for them. So yeah, Tennyson, it's the end of the show, and I can't thank you enough for telling your story, reliving some moments being emotional and authentic about it. Thank you. Thank you so

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:06:05

much. Oh, thank you guys so much for having me.

David Farquharson: 1:06:07

It's so emotional that I'm gonna have to edit these with an onion in my room so I have an excuse.

Tennyson Jacobson: 1:06:17

Oh, that means so much. Great.

David Farquharson: 1:06:23

Goodbye, everyone. I'm ending this one. Okay.

Dr. Spencer Baron: 1:06:27

Thank you for listening to today's episode of The cracking backs podcast. We hope you enjoyed it. Make sure you follow us on Instagram at cracking backs podcast. Catch new episodes every Monday, see you next time. See.